I don’t know how many times it’s going to take before I can finally remember that I need to pace myself, that my body needs rest and sleep. Even more than most people. Living with chronic illness means that I know that my energy levels and clarity of thought are unpredictable, so when I do feel energetic and clear, I can find it hard to stop mid-project, let go, rest, and trust that there will be more energy and clarity again tomorrow, so I can finish what I started.
Toxic Capitalist, productivity, and meritocracy cultures can be so painful for those of us who’s bodies are chronically ill or disabled. Managing the impact of messaging that says that we’re only as worthy as our ability to work and to climb career ladders, on top of our own frustration about the gap between our visions of what we’d love to create and be a part of versus our body’s ability to follow through … it just adds to the exhaustion!
“You are enough even when you aren’t busy.” Thank you, @_melanintalks
You’re also enough when you can’t work. When you can’t earn. When you’re struggling to think and process stuff that you know shouldn’t be this difficult for you. When you sleep. When you make art just for the sake of making art and not for money or healing or any other goal. When you lie on the bed and giggle with your children. When you sit on a park bench and stare out at the view. When you binge-watch your favourite series. When you read a shitty novel. When you write a shitty article. When you can’t even write a shitty article.